My Life Now: Reflection and Future.

Hey guys, I will just be completely honest to start off. I haven't had the muse to write. So I haven't...as you could tell. But I am sitting here in my friends apartment, Pablo, who I live with now, and I saw something. I will get to that later though. I first want to say "Hey" to Phyllis, I will see you really really soon Phyll, I can't wait and I have thought about you so much these past few months. Thanks to everyone else for keeping up. I don't have many pics this post. Just want to write. Sorry, but this is my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want. This is also the last post I will be writing.

The reason why I am writing now is because I found a piece of paper that was in my computer case. On this piece of paper, I had written down just words that would make me remember some things to write at a later time. I will start by telling you the first word on my list.

"Chris-Friend"

Most of you should know Chris Harrison. He has been my savior over here. I am being completely honest when I say, he is the nicest person that I have ever met. But "nice" doesn't even graze the surface. Chris does the things that would make one say, "Is this guy really like this...?" And the answer is yes. I have learned a lot from Chris. I have learned how to suppress anger, stress, French conflicts from him. If I didn't have those nights where we would get a bottle of red, Chris would just listen, and I would just pace and bitch about everything that was happening....I would have cracked. No doubt in my mind. I would not have survived. You can learn something from Chris right now.
What I would like for you to do once you read this, is this...
Do something very special today, out of the norm, for someone or people that you care about. Surprise them with just a gesture of kindness. I'm talking even if you have to do some planning, going out of the way, making a great meal, calling someone to laugh about a childhood memory, reliving a special moment...just something. Do it please. Once you realize how good it feels for the opposing end, you will want to do things like this more often. Hence, creating more light in your life.

The second topic that I wrote down on that piece of paper was,

"Rain- Re-Birth"

I wrote down these words to let me remember my feelings at this very moment. I had realized that my relationship with one of the girls over here was over, I was completely torn up. I called Ian, when he was in Florida, and was in tears. Everything was coming down in my eyes...my heart, the club, my future, my life, everything. But as I was walking from the phone booth back to my apartment something happened. It rained. It was really coming down. I just walked back very casually back to my apartment. One might think that the rain was symbolizing just more shit that was coming down on top of me but I completely interpretted it a different way. I just stopped outside my apartment, took in the view of Rouen from my street and raised my head to the sky. It was refreshing. If someone saw me...they would have thought I was high or something. But I didn't mind. It felt great. I felt like the water was washing away the negative coat I was wearing. In movies, rain symbolizes a change that is going to happen, a re-birth if you will. The next day was great. I got stronger at this point. Learned a lot about myself at this moment. Just when I thought everything was going in a downward spiral, I realized I am still here. I have support. I have support. I have you.

The last word that I am looking at right now is this,

"Silence"

I want you guys to paint this picture right now. Imagine you are in a different country, foreign environment, whatever. You are by yourself without your constant materialistic companions. I am talking about no cell phone, television, internet, ipod...etc. Now when you woke up this day, you have absolutely nothing planned. You are free to do whatever you wish. But the only thing is this...

You will not utter a word to someone the whole day. No one.

For 24 hours it is just you and your thoughts. Have you ever had a day like this?

I have.

Sounds very dismal and depressing but I think everyone should have atleast one day like this in their life. One thing that I will take back to the states with me is that I am forming into the person who I want to be. Not caring about my image to other people. Just being me. If you don't like me, then get out of my way. If you are responsive to me, then let's have a glass of wine and play music. I can just hear Alex calling me a damned "hippie" all the way from Dallas right now....I don't care asshole. I still love you though.

That is all I am going to write from my slip of paper. Let me fill you in on just a couple of other things that are going on real quick.

*I am in love with a girl that I met on the train when I took Nena, Mom and Dad back. We have spent almost everyday together since then. I haven't felt like this in a long long time. Her name is Gabrielle Caron. She can speak three languages and doesn't know where life is going to take her the next day. I had the first family dinner last night and I performed pretty well. It was a night full of laughter and bad english/french. They have an apple tree in their yard with huge red apples. For dessert we had an apple tart cake. Really reminded me of home. I was really leary about writing about Gabrielle because as soon as I open my mouth about someone, the Black Cats come out. But this one is different. I know what you are thinking...
"Tony...what are YOU thinking?"
I have to follow my heart. That is all I am going to say about that.

*Bois Guillaume is in the National Finals. Won beat Compiegne in the Best-of-Three Semi-Finals yesteday to advance. I played really well. I picked up the game winner yesterday as well as slugging my 11th and 12th homeruns of the season. We play Montigny next Sat/Sun for the National Title in Paris. The field where I played my first French baseball games. Best-of-Three series. Winner gets a 12,000 eu bonus as well as a ticket to the Elite division next year. I am trying not to stress about it too much because outcomes of these next games help determine what path I will walk next year.

It was sad on Sunday the 19th of October in Bois Guillaume. Not because we advanced to the National Championship but becuase this was the last day that Bois Guillaume's field would see a game played on it. My Minimes field, my cadet's field, my softball girl's field, my team's field,.....

My field.

After the game, Chris came up to me.

"So...you gonna get some dirt or what?!"

Hahahaha. So Chris and I strolled to the pitchers mound and collected some dirt. A great souvenir.

I love you guys and will see you next week.